That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
