Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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