dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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