it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
