I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
