im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
