Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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