Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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