Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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