This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
