I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
