I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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