i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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