She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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