there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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