His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
