with your own penis?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
