Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
