my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a hot homeless man
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
