the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
