omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
