Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
