I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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