I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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