His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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