I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
