remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
