look no pants
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
