This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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