Sponge bath it is.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize