We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
