...so i touched it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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