I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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