oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
