He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
