you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
