u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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