yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
