Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
