It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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