I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
