She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
