I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
