Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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