Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
