i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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