you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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