Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
