Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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