you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
