Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
