It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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