ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
