Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize