one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
