Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
