He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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