my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
