I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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