he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
