I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
