I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
