My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
