just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
