I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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