Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
