I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
