Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
