I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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