Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
