Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
