i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
