so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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