I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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