and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
