today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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